


Cotton-like memories

by Krisps



Series: When the sun rises [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Melancholy, Minor Character Death, Recreational Drug Use, San needs a hug, This is not really sad, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, soft, this is only for backstory purpose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-18 01:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20631083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krisps/pseuds/Krisps
Summary: If it was not for Wooyoung and their usual peaceful morning routine, San would've definitely teared up.Because even if all of this was definitely in the past, and 21 year old san was happy and in love, 16 year old San still existed somewhere and sometimes memories from that time hurt more than he would like to admit.





	Cotton-like memories

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, this happened once again during an other sleepless night... I'm soft for them and anyway enjoy I guess ?  
Once again, English is not my first language so sorry but I'm doing my bessst and yeah, bye I guess!

San hadn’t had the best childhood, that was no news to his close friends nor Wooyoung.

His parents were barely there when he was young, being busy businessman and woman, the both of them, he was raised by his grandparents for most of his life, until his parents deemed him old enough to live alone, at thirteen.

Sometimes around his sixteenth birthday, he came out to them. And if things weren’t that great to begin with, from then on everything went downhill.

When he announced it at dinner, one of the few days of the month they actually had dinner together, his father simply left the table without a word, going to his office. San was petrified. He knew they wouldn’t be happy about it.

Why he even said it, he didn't really know. He just kinda blurted it out, like it was burning his mouth and he couldn't keep it in for longer. But now that it was out, it was too late to back down.

His mother finished her plate, cleaned off the table and joined her husband. San was still sat at the table, head hung low, when he heard the door of the study open then slam shut, followed by the sound of the front door being slammed too.

This got him out of his trance and he ran to his room, vision blurred by the tears that were threatening to fall.

As soon as his body hit the floor of his bedroom, his heart gave out, loud sobs wracking his body. In the haze, he somehow called Wooyoung, the only one to know about him being gay. But without the strength to even form words, all Wooyoung could hear on the other side of the phone were wails and cries, and Woo was leaving for his best friend’s house in the following second.

And that’s how Wooyoung found San, crying his heart out, entire face wet with tears, unable to form words.

For hours he sat there, hugging his best friend through the pain.

Until his mother barged into the room, door banging so hard against the wall it could’ve break, eyes open the wider he’s ever seen her, tears forming rapidly, phone clutched into her trembling hand. They both looked up, and what she said caused an electroshock to pass through San's entire body.

_" Your father's got into an accident "_

"What are you thinking 'bout ?" Wooyoung asks. He is sitting behind San, arms wrapped around his waist, leaving butterfly kisses on his exposed shoulder.

It's 10 a.m on a windy and rainy Sunday.

They are in Ilsan right now, in Wooyoung's childhood bedroom, still in boxers, the comforter their only barrier to the outside world.

It's easy to see that the boy hasn't been living in this house for the past few years, since his parents divorced and he moved out to Gyeongsan with his father. The walls are still baby blue, and the bed barely fits their 2 adults bodies.

His mom already offered several times to change the bed and redecorate the room but if Wooyoung didn't mind, San pointedly refused.

This room is like a part of Wooyoung, he rediscover every time he visits, back at that time they didn't know each other. He sometimes imagine 10 years old wooyoung playing in his room. If teenager Wooyoung was cute, younger Wooyoung must've been adorable. San smiles.

San takes a while to answer. Wooyoung lets him.

"Just… my father" Woo doesn't stop his kissing, only squeeze him tighter. San puts his hand on his forearms, head slightly leaning on his shoulder.

" Do you… miss them ?" Wooyoung asks after a while.

San turns away from the window he was facing, facing his boyfriend instead. Their knees are touching and Woo's hand fell, now resting on San's laps.

"No." ok maybe that came out too harsh "Not really. It's just that…" San links their fingers together "sometimes I wonder if they would've accepted … our relationship"

After the accident everything was a blur.

His father's car was hit by another car as he ran a red light.

The ambulance was there quick but he was automatically put in an artificial coma, his vital prognosis at stake.

His mother was by his father's side the entirety of his hospitalisation but San felt guilty and didn't visit more than once a week, only when he knew his mother would be absent for a while to shower back home.

3 weeks later his father died.

His mother was devastated. And if before he tried to avoid her as much as possible, it became her that avoided him like the plague afterward. Whenever she looked at him he would feel like he was the one who killed his father. She couldn't look at him in his eyes, would cut short every conversation they had, refused to go out of her room even to just eat.

Within the year she fell into depression and alcoholism. And just like that 16 years old San was suddenly alone.

The only thing keeping him upright his best friend. When her mother would become violent and hit him, when she would spit words he couldn't dare pronounce even later, San would find a refuge in Woo's home. Sometimes he would stay the entire week in his house. It's not like his mother cared anyway. During holidays he would go back to Ilsan with him and after the 3rd time he visited, Wooyoung's mother started to call him his son. San cried his eyes out that day, hugged by his best friend and the closest thing he's got to a mother.

And when College became something to think about, San did all he could to get a scholarship. Which he did, in Seoul. And Wooyoung followed because they've been stuck together for already 4 years and didn't planned to stop.

Announcing to his mother that he was leaving was not that hard. He packed his few belongings while Wooyoung was waiting for him, outside, with his father.

So he went up to his mom's bedroom. Knocked lightly and didn't wait for an answer before opening the door. He let the light stream from the door inside the otherwise completely dark room. His mother's eyes were glassy, looking somewhere behind him. Without further thinking he announced it with a deep breath.

_"I'm leaving for Seoul. I got a scholarship. I called Grandma so she could check up on you."_

He waited 2 more seconds in silence, and then turned back around. He grabbed his backpack and in the minute was out the front door.

Wooyoung was waiting for him, leaning against the hood of his father's car, a smile on his face.

_"Ready to leave hell for good ?"_

And San smiled, forcing the small tears, that formed without him realizing, out, in the open air. He inhaled deeply. Finally free.

_"More than ever"_

As they drove away, he could swear he'd seen the curtains from his mother's bedroom move. But whatever, now he was leaving that in the past.

"As far as I know, neither your mother nor your father could tolerate me so heh…" San snorts, rolling his eyes before looking straight at Wooyoung

"It's not that they couldn't tolerate you. It's just that you were a bit too much of an extrovert to their stuck up asses. They couldn't even put up with their lame, dull son" Wooyoung laughs his cristal laugh, shaking his head no, and San looks at him with stars in the eyes, dimples out for the world to see.

"And to answer your question. I didn't know your parents much but I'm sure at some point, maybe later, they would've come around. Even your mother" Now San is practically sitting in Woo's laps.

"mmh… maybe" it's silent for a bit.

"…You still don't want to take some news on your mother's condition ?" San sights, he knew the question was coming. Woo slightly pulls away, worried to have angered the older male but San is quick to pull him closer.

"Sorry I know you're not fully comfortable about it…"

"No no it's ok … and not really… I know she's being taken care of where she is at least. And it may be selfish but the less I know, the less it troubles me"

Wooyoung frowns.

"No babe. It's not being selfish. It's called self care. You suffered enough and now it's time for you to enjoy your life and place your own person before anyone else. You deserve it."

If it was not for Woo and their usual peaceful morning routine, San would've definitely teared up. Because even if all of this was definitely in the past, and 21 year old san was happy and in love, 16 year old San still existed somewhere and sometimes memories from that time hurt more than he would like to admit

But in the moment, sadness and pain and worry did not hit that hard, not when he was with Wooyoung and when he could bath in his warmth, protecting him from the cold and his bad thoughts. His shield to the world.

"I'm so lucky to have you."

"And I could say the same angel." Their foreheads press together "You know you have a family in us. You are loved and cherished, a necessary part of our home. You're my home San. You are my sun and my moon, my soulmate and my best friend. I love you enough for everyone else out here. And im gonna love you as long as you let me, because you deserve all the love you can get"

And if San was not crying before, now tears are definitely rolling down his cheeks silently

Wooyoung wipe them away quickly

"Don't cry Angel or I'll cry too" he whines. San chuckles wetly before rubbing away his tears, flashing a big watery smile to his life saver

"I love you so much"

"And i love you even more sunshine. Now stop with all the tears or imma start crying real hard too and my mother's gonna come here rushing thinking somebody got hurt and I don't really want her to see any of us in our current clothing state "

San snorts but dries his tears.

"Right. Not that I don't love mama Jung but I'm not sure I would've like it either"

"To be honest I would be weirded out if you didn't care"

"I mean, your mother is a charming lady but I'm not sure if I'm up for-"Wooyoung is scrambling out of San's embrace and the comforter, standing with a disgusted face in the middle of the room.

"WhAT- Ew-Just-EWW ! Don't even try to continue what you were saying or you're single from now on"

San explodes in laughter.

"Aww come on babe you know I'm only joking"

"Not about my MOM dumbass !?"

"I consider her my mom too, idiot. Now come back here I'm cold."

San is stretching his arms out to a still sour faced Woo.

"No. I'm gonna shower or we'll still be sitting here until 2 and we only have 2 days left before going back to Seoul" He is grabbing clothes and is out of the door in the second. San takes. A second processing and is suddenly up and running after a giggling Wooyoung.

"Wait I'm coming with you !"

"Nope, you're only going to bother me for- San! I said no- Get out moron!! "

* * *

It's hours later -after a long day of strolling around Lake park and spending most of their evening at the beach- that San takes a decision. They are sprawled on Wooyoung's beach towel, a joint passing between them, San resting his head on Wooyoung's tummy.

"I think… I'll try to talk to my mother… maybe" San takes a deep drag.

Wooyoung is silent for a second before jolting up, making San sit abruptly in the movement

"San ! That's awesome ! You know when you're going ? Do you want me to go with you ? Maybe I shouldn't… But if you want I'll definitely come ! We could even go before new yea-"

San shuts him up with a quick peck.

"You're adorable baby but I said 'maybe'. I'm not sure when or even if I'll go… but yeah if I do I want you there with me" Wooyoung is quick to move and swiftly pins San down on the sand, sitting on his stomach, being careful with the joint.

"Ok but that's still amazing so yeay!" San looks at him with a smile smile. Wooyoung takes a drag from the blunt.

"Wanna shotgun ?" Wooyoung frowns

"You're serious ?" San simply shrugs, eyebrows rising, a smirk still playing on his lips. Wooyoung rolls his eyes

"You're insufferable" But he leans down anyway.


End file.
